he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
