if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
And then he peed in my hair
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