and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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