Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
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