Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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