If that was your dad, he is hot
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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