I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
