May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
The chlamydia really affected his face.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
