i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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