put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
