she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
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He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
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When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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