She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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