Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
