I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
oh god was she eating orange peels again
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
