just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
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