You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
