Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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