barbara walters just said penis...
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
