he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
