It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Another day, another engagement, another cat
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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