I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
