ya dads aren't the best wingmen
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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