One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
