after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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