Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
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i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
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I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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