mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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