he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
19 Unhappily Married People Confess The Red Flags They Ignored
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
These 23 People Destroyed Their Entire Lives In An Instant
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.