Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
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We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
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I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere