Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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