I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.