Need sex. Gaining weight.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
