I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
