so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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