Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
