Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
And then he peed in my hair
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