the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
