he told me I talked like a deaf person
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Randomize
