I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Randomize
