I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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