The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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