She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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