Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
and you fell through a lawn chair
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
