What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
