everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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