dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Come on in and take your pants off
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