if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
