he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
