i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
