I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
