Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
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