He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
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