A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
