chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
