Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
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