I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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