this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
