Kareoke will never be a sober sport
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
