went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
