i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Randomize
