remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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