he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
