you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
