Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
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Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
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I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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