There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
