I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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