i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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