I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
