His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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