I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
