I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
