Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
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