So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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