I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
