I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
