We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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