The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
