My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
