I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
