Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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