Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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