it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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