i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
you never un-have a 4some
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Randomize
