tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
