So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
