You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
